Best Funny Dirty Jokes You’ll Want To Tell Your Best Friends

If You Looking a best dirty jokes so, you come to a right place today am share a latest collection of most funny dirty Jokes you can enjoy a lots of fun, why dirty jokes peoples likes? because its too much meaning full our funny jokes dirty make a laugh create on mouth to be pain full so am very excited to share this thing to peoples make happy to see a jokes its my own collection to collect different platform to one place with a good ranking jokes. i hope you like a jokes of collection must to comment our suggestion about this am more added on the request base.

Short Nasty Jokes

  • Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.
  • Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
  • If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting?
  • What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
  • What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
  • What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
  • What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist? A: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.
  • What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? A: They just give you a bra and say “Here, fill this out.”

Funny Dirty Jokes

  • The mother thinks for a while before deciding she ought to be honest with her daughter. She says, “Well honey, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and then they have sex.”
  • The daughter thinks for a moment and then seems to understand. Then she says, “Oh, I see. But the other night when I came into your room you had Daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
  • One day, she decided that they’d been together so long that there was no reason to be embarrassed even though her body was now old. So in the middle of sex she reached over and turned the bedside lamp on, only to see that her husband was using a dildo.
  • The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, “Well my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions.”
  • The mother smiles and says, “Well honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch – flexible but reliable. But after 50, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
  • A short time later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She goes to the boy, drops her pants and says, “My Mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

Funny Sex Jokes

  • As he sits down at the bar a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
  • The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, “Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, Hand job $10”.
  • Doctor: “I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating.”Man: “Oh my God, doc! Why?!?”

    Doctor: “I’m trying to examine you.”

  • A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of Jagermeister.
  • The bartender says, “Oh, congratulations! But if you don’t mind me asking, why ten shots?”
  • He asks the waitress, “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

Jokes For Adults

  • A mother is in the kitchen one day, preparing dinner for the family.
  • Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and they had a little fun, Jill forgot to take the pill and now they have a son!
  • Boy: Mom I got kicked out of class today for answering a teachers question Mom: How rude of your teacher, what did you say Boy: Well we were talking about Helen Keller and he asked the class if anyone knew what she looked like. So i said, No i dont and neither did she.
  • What do going down on an old lady and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit.
  • Steven when he was in junior school.. teacher: who ever talks in class is a donkey. Steven: (laughs)your the donkey miss.. Steven when he is in high school. teacher :who ever talks in class will get f*cked up by a gay Steven: im a gay miss.;D
  • A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said cheeseburgers 3$ hotdogs 5$ and handjobs 10$ He goes to the bar and asks the lady “are you the one that gives handjobs” and she said yes, then he replied “well wash your hands I want a cheeseburger

Funny Boob Jokes And Puns

  • Things just haven’t been the same between me and my girlfriend since the breast reduction.I thought they were big, bouncy and sexy.

    She thought I looked like a woman.

  • When I come into some money I’m going to buy my wife a much bigger rack.She’s got far too many CDs.
  • An old married couple decide to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by booking the suite where they had their honeymoon all those years ago.The first morning they have breakfast in bed and the wife says, “My dear, this is so romantic. My breasts feel all warm and tingly.”

    “I’m not surprised.” replies her husband, “One’s hanging in your coffee and the other’s lying on my bacon!”

  • A new study has revealed that women with big boobs are smarter than women with smaller boobs.Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn’t really listening.
  • My wife was getting ready to go out last night when I said, “You can’t wear that, I can see your boobs under it.””So you can,” she said. “Do I need to wear a bra?”

    I said, “Yeah, either that or a longer dress.”

  • A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women’s breast implants.A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.
  • A guy bets a full figured girl a dollar that he can make her boobs move without touching them.Since this doesn’t seem possible, the girl is intrigued and accepts the bet.

    So the guy steps up, cups his hands around her breasts and jiggles them up and down.

    With a baffled look, the girl says, “Hey, you touched my boobs.”

    The guy replies, “Yeah, I owe you a dollar.”

  • My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday.She wasn’t happy when I came back with a push up bra.
  • A woman suggests to her husband that she have surgery to make her breasts bigger.Her husband suggests she rub bathroom tissue between them instead.

    “How will that make my breasts bigger?” asks the woman.

    “I don’t have a clue,” replies her husband, “But it worked for your ass.”

dirty knock knock jokes

Funny Condom Jokes

  • This desperate guy rings 911 and says, “Come quickly, my son has swallowed a condom!”Five minutes later he rings back, “It’s ok, I’ve found another one.”
  • When I was in school, we got the facts of life talk from our Biology teacher and he showed us how to put on a condom.It was really embarrassing waiting for him to get hard.
  • Last Father’s Day my son said to me, “Dad, I’m sorry but I forgot to buy you anything for Father’s Day.”I said, “That’s ok son. You know, I forget things all the time too.”

    He said, “Really? Like what?”

    I said, “Like that time I forgot to wear a condom and ended up with an ungrateful little sod in my life.”

  • Two condoms are walking down the street and stop outside of a gay bar.The first condom turns to the second and says, “Do you want to go in and get sh*t-faced?”
  • It’s the first time for me and my girlfriend but the condom has split and now we don’t know what to do.Should we seek medical advice immediately?

    Or should we wait until we clear customs with the drugs?

  • I went on a date last week and the girl I met invited me back to her place for coffee afterwards.As we walked into her flat, she ripped all her clothes off and pushed me onto the couch.

    As she pulled my trousers and boxer shorts down and swung her leg over me I said, “Before you stick that in there, aren’t you forgetting something?”

    “I’m on the pill so don’t worry about a condom.” she said.

    “I was talking about my coffee.” I replied.

  • A young couple had just finished having fantastic sex. Afterwards, the young woman looked in the box of condoms and saw that there were only six left out of the original twelve. She asked her boyfriend, “What happened to the five other condoms?”He rather nervously and shiftily replied, “Errmm, I masturbated with them.”

    The next day the woman went to one of her male friends and told him what had happened. Then she said to him, “Have you ever done that?”

    He replied, “Yeah, a few times.”

    She said, “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?”

    “Oh!” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

  • A young married couple had just finished having sex. The woman asked her husband, “If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?”He took off his condom and tied a knot in it. Then he flushed it down the toilet and said, “Well, if he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.”
  • This guy goes to the drug store with his young son. As they walk past the condom display, the boy notices them and asks his Dad, “What are these, Dad?”The man doesn’t believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, “They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex.”

    The boy looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, “Why are there three in those packets?”

    The Dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys – there’s one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”

    “Cool!” says the boy, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his Dad, “Then who are the packets of six for?”

    The Dad answers, “Those are for college men. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday.”

    “Wow!” said the boy, “Then who uses THESE?” as he picked up a twelve-pack.

    The Dad sighs sadly and says, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March …

  • These three rednecks were sitting around one day, comparing their wives to see who had the dumbest.The first redneck said, ‘My wife’s so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don’t even have running water.’

    The second said, ‘That’s nothing! Mine bought a ceiling fan, and we don’t even have electricity.’

    The third said, ‘Aw, that’s nothing! I was goin’ through my wife’s purse for some whisky money t’other night and found a box of condoms. And you know what? She ain’t even got a penis!’

  • One day when I was young kid, my Dad sat me down and showed me some pictures of why I should always make sure I wear a condom when having sex.The funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

Lesbian Jokes & Puns

  • Did you hear about the new lesbian shoe called Diké?It has an extra long tongue and you can get it off with one finger.
  • What’s the difference between a Wheat Thin and a lesbian?One’s a snack cracker and the other’s a crack snacker.
  • What do you call a lesbian with 100 semi-automatic rifles?Militia Etheridge.
  • Why are lesbians such bad carpenters?Because they don’t know how to handle wood.
  • My girlfriend and I bake our own edible sex toys.I love my new dildough.
  • Did you hear about the house built by two lesbians?It’s all tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
  • Straighteners aren’t worth the money.I’ve been using one for three weeks and I’m still a lesbian.
  • How can you tell when you’re in a tough lesbian bar?Even the pool table has no balls.
Dirty Jokes

Penis Jokes & Puns

  • A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman loses it and reaches over and slices off the mans penis, which she angrily tosses out the window.Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him.

    All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

    Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, “Daddy what in the heck was that?”

    Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, “It was only a bug, honey.”

    The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. “It sure had a big dick.”

  • A guy goes to the  store and buys a new computer.He takes it home and sets it up on his desk. Creating a master account, the computer asks him for his password.

    He enters the word penis.

    The computer responds, “Your password is not long enough.”

  • At an army training camp in Florida, the sergeant is giving a talk, “The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and now I’m going to demonstrate to you just commitment is.”At that point, an alligator came in the room and bit the sergeant’s penis. It stayed there with its jaws around his penis for about ten seconds before the sergeant poked it in the eyes and kicked it off.

    “Now who’s ready to show their commitment?” asked the sergeant.

    A man put his hand up and said “I will, but promise you won’t poke me in the eyes.”

  • A man was having problems with his penis which it must be said had certainly seen better times.So he went to see his doctor who, after a couple of tests, said, “I’m sorry, but you’ve overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out; you only have 30 erections left.”

    The man walked home in a depressed state and told his wife what the doctor had said.

    She said, “Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn’t waste that. We should make a list!”

    The man replied, “Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn’t on it.”

  • What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
  • A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in.A man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. He said, “Oh, I’m so sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your breast, you’ll forgive me.”

    The woman replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow then I’m staying in room 127.”

  • A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards the doctor comes into the room and says, “I have something to tell you about your child.”The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, “Oh my gosh, what’s wrong with them?”

    The doctor says, “There’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just a little different! It’s a hermaphrodite.”

    The woman looks confused. “A hermaphrodite, what’s that?”

    The doctor replies, “It has both features of a male and a female.”

    The woman looks relieved. “What? You mean it has a penis and a brain?”

  • Why does a penis have a hole in the end?So men can be open minded.
  • This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.

    Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.

    I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.

    Now I’m afraid to pee.

  • What do you get when you cross an owl and a rooster?A cock that stays up all night long.
  • Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Dirty Jokes

Dirty Yo Mama Jokes

  • Yo Mama so dirty she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.
  • Yo Momma so dirty her vagina’s in the NFL Hall Of Fame for greatest wide-receiver.
  • Yo Mama so dirty she’s like the Pillsbury dough boy… Everybody pokes her.
  • Yo Mama so dirty she’s like a bowling ball… She always ends up in the gutter.
  • Yo Mama so dirty she’s like a championship ring… Everyone puts a finger in her.
  • Yo Momma so dirty she’s like a NASCAR driver… She burns 50 rubbers a day.
  • Yo Momma so dirty she’s like the Suez Canal… Vessels full of seamen pass through every day.
  • Yo Mama so dirty her nickname’s SUV, because she’s big and there’s room for 6 construction workers inside.
Dirty Jokes

Dirty Thanksgiving Jokes

  • Wives are like Thanksgiving turkeys …They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.
  • A couple were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner at their friend’s house when they hit a skunk. The wife jumped out of the car and was relieved to find the skunk wounded but alive.She picked it up and took it back to the car saying to her husband, “We need to take it to a vet. It’s shivering; it must be cold, what should I do?”

    Her husband replied, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”

    “But it stinks!” she said.

    “So hold its nose!”

  • What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
  • One Thanksgiving, a man walks into his house with a turkey under his arm.He walks up to his wife with it and says, “This is the pig I’ve been having sex with.”

    His wife says, “That’s a turkey.”

    The man replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

  • Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years.Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work.

    And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, “One of these days, you’re gonna fart your guts out!” But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

    Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey.

    Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so.

    A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.

    She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn’t reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned.

    So she ran upstairs, and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost.

    He said, “You were right, honey, you were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again.”

Dirty Jokes

Dirty One Liners

  • Walruses are like Tupperware – they both like a tight seal.
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
  • Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
  • What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.
  • Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 33, looking for some action!” I’ve sent her my ironing, that’ll keep her busy.
  • One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
  • If 2 guys are having sex and the house catches on fire. Who gets out first, the guy on top or the guy on the bottom? The guy on the bottom cause he’s already got his shit packed.
  • What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
  • You know you’ve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.
  • A slut is someone who’ll have sex with anyone, a bitch is someone who’ll have sex with anyone except you.
  • I should have known it would never work out between me and my ex-girlfriend – after all, I’m a Pisces and she’s a bitch.
  • Nice girls blush when they watch porn, good girls smile because they know they can do better.
  • Do you know the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball – a guy will actually take the time to look for a golf ball.
  • If you want to embarrass an archaeologist give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
  • The best way to make your wife scream during sex is to ring her up and tell her where you are.
  • If a fire-fighter’s business can go up in smoke, and a plumber’s business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?
  • Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman it’s sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it’s $3.99 a minute?
  • There’s nothing worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face… apart from finding out that it was traced.
Dirty Jokes

Dirty Flirty Jokes

  • My dick just died, can I bury it in your vagina?
  • Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!
  • Hey, have you met my friend Dick? He is real tall.
  • Has anyone ever told you your ass looks like a phone cause I want to hit the pound button all day long.
Dirty Jokes
Dirty Jokes


Best 80 Nigger Jokes a very Funny With images

You can search a best NIGGER JOKES so, you come to a right place to day first time start a jokes and start with a awesome collection of nigger jokes our lots of Good Nigger Jokes. Why peoples like this type of jokes mostly american our African made our consider slavery and race stereotypes, all black peoples major part in this jokes our memes create on this type of peoples, first of all sorry about this peoples its not my role but reality is reality black peoples is funny reaction king so start the best 80 collection to get smile on face our you get down on bed.

Funny Nigger Jokes

  • Why is a nigger white under his feet and under his palms? – Because everyone has something good within them.
  • What did the Alabama sheriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
  • What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
  • What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
  • What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods! -ashmoor
  • What’s the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls? You can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
  • A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
    The spic, the nigger never makes it because he’s stopped by the rope.
  • People keep saying that Americans are stupid, but I disagree. Anyone that builds a city 10 meters below sea level, in a hurricane zone, and fills it with niggers is a fucking genius!
  • A nigger walks into the employment agency.
    – I’m looking for work, can you help me?
    – Yes, what would you say if I proposed doctor, accountant or lawyer?…
    – You are not taking me seriously!
    – No, but you are the one who started!

Nigger Mexican Jokes

  • Theres an American airline and one of the engines is going out so they decide they need to get rid of some weight or they will crash. To do it fairly they decide to do it in alphabetical order. So they tell all of the African Americans to jump off the plane, no one moves. So they say, “Okay, all the blacks jump off.” Still no one jumps. So they say, “All of the colored people jump off.” Still no one jumps. Finally this little kid walks up to his dad and says, “Daddy, aren’t we all three of those?” And the dad says, “Nope, today we’re NIGGERS, we aint jumpin before the MEXICANS.”
  • Why do niggers put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?
    So mexicans can window shop.
  • A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car . . who’s driving?
    A cop!
  • A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
    The spic, the nigger never makes it because he’s stopped by the rope.
  • A Nigger runs into a doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, Doctor I can’t stop running around!” The doctor says, “Okay, take this tablet.” The Nigger slows down and stops. He said, “WOW! It really worked! I’ve tried everything! What was it?” The doctor says, “It’s Persil – Stops colours running.” -Lee
  • Two niggers say to the man at the hot dog stance: “Two roasted please”
    The man replies: “Yes, that part I understand. However, what do you want to eat?”

Good Nigger Jokes

  • What is the difference between a disaster and a catastrophe?
    – It is a disaster if a ship with niggers sink.
    – It is a catastrophe if they have learned how to swim.
  • In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower. In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, sex in the shower.
    The other 14% said they haven’t yet served any time in prison.
  • Nigger was walking down the street and sees a lamp. He says to himself: “Lawds if ize rubs dis here lamp three times ize gets me three wishes.”
    So the genie comes and says, “Ok boy, you got three wishes, what will they be?”
    So the nigger says, “I wanna be white, uptight and outta site!”
    So the genie turned him into a tampon.
  • A nigger walks into the doctor’s waiting room with a frog on its head.
    After a while, it’s the niggers turn and he walks into the doctor’s office.
    The doctor says, “what seems to be the problem?”
    Then the frog says, “Well, it actually started with this pimple on my ass..”
  • A truck full of chicken eggs is driving down a dirt road when two niggers with bikes ask the driver for a ride. The driver says, “I don’t have room unless you want to ride in the back with the eggs.” The niggers don’t mind and hop on. About a mile down the road a cop pulls the truck over and he looks in the back. The cop runs to his car, gets on the radio and says, “I need back up, I just pulled over a truck full of nigger eggs. Two of them have hatched, and they already have stolen bikes.
  • Name five things a nigger does not have in common with E.T!
    – E.T. was better looking, he had his own bicycle, he came alone, he learned the language and he really wanted to go back home again!!!
  • Bush and nigger Obama were flying over the bayous of Louisiana. Down in the water, a white guy was pulling a nigger on ski’s behind his boat.
    Obama said, “Wow, it’s amazing how well white people and black people get along. It really goes to show how far America has come.”
    Bush replied, “Apparently you have never been alligator hunting before.”
  • A man seeking to join a West Texas Sheriff’s Department is being
    The Deputy doing the interview says, “your qualifications all look good, but
    There is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”
    Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says, “take this pistol and go out and shoot six niggers and a rabbit. ”
    “Why the rabbit?”
    “Great attitude,” says the Sergeant, “When can you start?”

Porch Monkey Jokes

  • Why do porch monkeys drive with their windows up?
    They think the smell is coming from outside.
  • What’s the difference between a porch monkey and a yard ape?
    The length of the chain.
  • Why was white chocolate invented?
    – So that the niggers shall not bite themselves in their own fingers when they eat chocolate.
  • Why don’t niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
    KFC isn’t open on holidays.
  • Most of you are well aware that NASA sent several chimps into orbit before they risked a human. But did you know that NASA actually sent a nigger into orbit with a chimpanzee once? Of course, NASA will deny it – and for good reason because here is what happened.

Shorts Nigger Jokes

  • Why is the Koran so thick?
    – It is meant to contain all the information about subsidies.
  • Two niggers say to the man at the hot dog stance: “Two roasted please”
    The man replies: “Yes, that part I understand. However, what do you want to eat?”
  • Why is a nigger white under his feet and under his palms?
    – Because everyone has something good within them.
  • How do you know if a nigger is well hung?
    If you can’t fit your finger between his neck and the noose.
  • Why do niggers drive with their windows up?
    They think the smell is coming from outside.
  • Why don’t you run over a nigger on a bike?
    Its probably your bike.
  • Do you remember the nigger family on the Jetsons? No?
    The future looks pretty good!
  • What’s the difference between the holy grail and a nigger’s daddy?
    You may find the grail.
  • What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
    A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.
  • What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopus?
    I don’t know but it sure can pick lettuce.
  • Why do mexicans have re-fried beans?
    Have you ever heard of a mexican doing anything right the first time?
  • Why do mexicans buy Cabbage Patch dolls?
    Because they come with birth certificates.
  • What do a nigger and an apple have in common?
    They both look good hanging from a tree.
  • Whats blue and hangs in my front yard?
    My nigger I can paint him whatever color I want.
  • Did you hear about Evel Knieval’s new motorcycle stunt?
    He’s going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.
  • What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
    Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won’t do.
  • Who were the three most famous women in black history?
    Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!
  • What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
    He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.
  • Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
    They’re going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.
  • Why does Alabama have niggers and California have
    California got first pick.

Long Nigger Jokes

  • One day God decides he’s fed up with dumb world and kills everyone and starts over with cockroaches. He’s dividing up the good and bad and the faithful and the sinners, when he realizes there are too many niggers. So he makes a deal with Satan to take approximately half of the nigger load off his hands and the deal is done.
    Two weeks later God and Satan are having lunch and Satan asks: “How’s it going?”
    God puts face into his hands and says, “I don’t know what I was thinking. The niggers are running amok. The pearly gates have been stolen. They’re pulling the gold bricks out of the street and melting them down for teeth. Someone gave St. Peter a buckwheat. (That’s a low caliber bullet up the ass in case you were wondering.) The white girls have all been raped at least three times each. The angels won’t even come out of their houses, the clouds are all yellow because they piss just any place that suits them. And worst of all, THEY FOUND SOME WAY TO BRING THEIR FOOD STAMPS AND WIC VOUCHERS WITH THEM!!! I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
    The Devil rolls his eyes, grabs God and says, “You think you’ve got it bad? The stupid, lazy niggers down in Hell let the fucking fire go out!”
  • An Indian and two niggers were working on a bridge. The Indian fell off and died. When the cops came they asked the two niggers if they knew anything about the Indian. They both said, “no he was pretty quiet, and kept to himself. Then as the cops were leaving, one nigger says, “wait, I does remember something. I know he had two assholes.” Cop says, “two assholes? How do you know he had two assholes.” Nig says, “the Indian took us to lunch a few times at the corner store. The cashier would see us coming, and say, here comes the Indian with the two assholes.”
  • wo South African policemen were on foot patrol early one evening during a curfew when one of them saw an obviously agitated Niger pedaling furiously on a bicycle.
    Raising his pump action riot gun, the cop fired, killing the rider immediately.
    “Why did you do THAT?”, screamed his partner, “it’s only 6.45 and the curfew doesn’t start until 7.00!!”
    “Yeah”, said the shooter, “but I know where he lives and he wouldn’t have made it!”
  • When hunting deer in the south you can shoot a nigger on the last day of the season, if you have the right tag. This happened to a friend of mine. He hunted all day every day and never saw anything, it came down to the last day and was getting dark. He went over a rise and in the valley, and below he saw a Nigger sitting at a picnic table. It was eating chittlins, KFC, watermelon, and drinking a glass of vintage Mad Dog 20\20. He thought, “well it’s the last day and I haven’t seen a deer. I guess I’ll have to shoot this Nigger.” He put the cross-hairs on him and was just about to pull the trigger when he felt a tap on his shoulder. “What the hell ya doing?”, the person behind him said. He responded, “Well, I haven’t seen a deer and it’s the last day of season so I thought I’d shoot that nigger down there.” “Not off of my feeder your not!!!!”
  • Two niggers are on their honeymoon at a swanky beach-side resort.
    The bartender begins to notice that every night, all night, the nigress is sitting in the bar, eating pigs feet and drinking Hennessy. And all day, every day, the nigger is sitting out on the end of the pier, drinking malt liquor and fishing.
    The bartender gets curious about this, so one day as the nigger is walking toward the pier with his fishing pole, he stops the nigger and asks, “Hey, boy, aren’t you on your honeymoon with your wife?”
    “Yassuh”, says the nigger.
    “How come I see her in here eating all night long, and I see you out on the pier fishing all day long?” the bartender asks. “Why aren’t y’all up in your room having sex?”
    “Well suh,” the nigger replies, “She gots da gonorrhea.”
    “Oh!”, says the bartender. “Well, couldn’t you have oral sex?”
    “Nosuh, nosuh,” the nigger says, “She also gots da pyorrhea.”
    “Well then,” the bartender persists, “What about anal sex? Can’t you do that?”
    “Nosuh, nosuh,” says the nigger, “She also gots da diarrhea.”
    “Well, hell, boy”, the flummoxed bartender says, “If she’s got gonorrhea, pyorrhea, and diarrhea, what the hell did you marry her for?”
    “Well suh,” the nigger answers, smiling, “She also gots da worms, and I loves to fish!”
  • Two black garbage men were hauling a load of trash to the dump in their open-bed garbage truck when a huge windstorm started. Their load included of a lot of light stuff that started blowing out of the back of the truck. They decided that they’d better do something about it, so one of them climbed in to the back of the truck and lay down on top of the load to keep it from blowing away. A couple of white guys pulled into the traffic lane directly behind them and one of them said to the other, “Look! Somebody threw away a perfectly good nigger!”
  • Bush and nigger Obama were flying over the bayous of Louisiana. Down in the water, a white guy was pulling a nigger on ski’s behind his boat.
    Obama said, “Wow, it’s amazing how well white people and black people get along. It really goes to show how far America has come.”
    Bush replied, “Apparently you have never been alligator hunting before.”
  • A nigger walks into the doctor’s waiting room with a frog on its head.
    After a while, it’s the niggers turn and he walks into the doctor’s office.
    The doctor says, “what seems to be the problem?”
    Then the frog says, “Well, it actually started with this pimple on my ass..”
  • Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two niggers in hoodies arrived.
    St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, “Wait here. I will be right back.”
    St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
    God says to Peter, “How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. Everyone is loved. Everyone is a brother. Go back and let them in!”
    St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
    He returns to God’s chambers and says, “Well, they’re gone.”
    “The guys wearing hoodies?” asked God.
    “No. The Pearly Gates.”
  • A white guy, an Asian and a nigger are on the observation deck of the Empire State Building. The White guy says to the nigger, “if you catch the wind just right, you can jump off of this building and float safely to the ground.” The nigger says, “Come on maing! You is bullshittin’ Dere’s no way anyones kins do dats.” “No”, said the white guy, “it’s absolutely true! I’ll prove it to you.” So the white guy jumps off the side, and sure enough, he floats safely to the ground. He came back up to the deck a few minutes later and said to the nigger, “See, I told you!” The nigger says, “Wow! Dats amazin’ an sheeit! I gots ta try me dat!” The nigger then climbed over the safety barrier and the jumped off the side. “SPLAT!!!” The nigger ended up as a red stain on the sidewalk below. The Asian guy then turned to the white guy and said, “I don’t know about you sometimes Superman!”
  • George W. Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.
    Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”
    The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?” Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
  • When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of worship were not spared.
    A local television station interviewed a nigger woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area would affect their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know ’bout all those other people, but we ain’t gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye’s.”
  • A student played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running
    back, but a really poor student.
    At graduation, he didn’t have enough credits. But he was a great football
    star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal give him his
    diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Dwayne
    could answer one question correctly, he would give him his diploma.
    The one-question test was held in the auditorium and all the students
    packed the place. It was standing room only.
    The principal was on the stage and told him to come up. The principal had
    the diploma in his hand and said, “Dwayne, if you can answer this question
    correctly I’ll give you your diploma.”
    Dwayne said he was ready and the principal asked him the question, “Dwayne,”
    he said, “How much is three times seven?”
    Dwayne looked up at the ceiling and the down at his shoes, pondering the
    question. The other students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate
    him anyway!”
    Then, Dwayne held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. He said, “I
    think … I know the answer … Three times seven is twenty-one.”
    A hush fell over the auditorium, then all the students began another
    chant … “Give him another chance! … Give him another chance!”
  • A white kid and a little nigger are arguing about if God is black or white.
    The white kid then shouts to the sky, “God! Are you black or white?”
    God replies to them saying, “Well child, I am what I am.”
    The white kid says, “well that settles it. God is white.”
    The nigger replies asking, “How do you know?”
    The white kid then says, “If he was black he would’ve said I iz what I iz.”
  • The Reverend Al Sharpton stopped by a Sears store one day.
    In the appliance department he started complaining that all the washing machines were WHITE.
    The floor manager tried to calm Sharpton down by saying…
    “Yes, Reverend, indeed the washers are all white, but if you lift the lid and look inside, the agitators are BLACK.”

Mix Nigger Jokes

  • What is the difference between a disaster and a catastrophe?
    – It is a disaster if a ship with niggers sink.
    – It is a catastrophe if they have learned how to swim.
  • Two niggers say to the man at the hot dog stance: “Two roasted please”
    The man replies: “Yes, that part I understand. However, what do you want to eat?”
  • What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
    The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
  • Why can’t nigger women become nuns?
    Because they can’t get used to saying ‘superior’ after ‘Mother’.
  • What was missing from the Million Man March?
    About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer!
  • What’s the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls?
    You can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
  • Memphis Police today reported finding a John Doe white male body in the Mississippi River.
    The victim apparently drowned due to excessive narcotics consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a strap-on dildo, and an Obama t-shirt.. He also had a cucumber stuffed up his ass.
    The police thoughtfully removed the Obama t-shirt to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment.
  • Why doesn’t the Ku Klux Klan operate in New Orleans?
    The niggers are too wet to burn.
  • What have the Ku Klux Klan and anabolic steroids got in common?
    They both make niggers run like fuck!
  • What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
    Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

So This is my Collection I hope You Like It if then comment our ask me any latest more am added on the request base of Nigger Jokes many more new ideas our creative jokes am start the section of jokes so its my full try to deliver my best in my blog.